it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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my liver is dry heaving
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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