In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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