what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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