I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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