nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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