Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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