Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize