I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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