I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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