its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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