I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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