He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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