So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize