Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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