uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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