I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize