im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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