you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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