I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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