i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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