Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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