you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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