Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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