Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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