But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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