$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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