What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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