she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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