i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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