is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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