So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The uberlube is also flammable
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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