I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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