3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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