I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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