He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize