Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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