totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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