I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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