I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize