i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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