happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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