i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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