Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bring me that man meat
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