i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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