wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize