After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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