Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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