Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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