I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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