You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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